I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
