You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
