As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize