Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
