chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
third nipple confirmed
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
