so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my being single is dangerous.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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