He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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