This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
