I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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