i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
