We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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