first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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