I think I died a long time ago.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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