im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
