covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
