Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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