2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
