you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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