Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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