Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
