i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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