Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im holly from the hills drunk
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
