he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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