some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
