you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
