Can i not drive my cunt home
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
