I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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