I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
