@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
