Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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