There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
