News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
