the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
