If i come over, it means nothing
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
