Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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