this beer tastes like vomit already
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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