Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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