I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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