i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm experimenting with sincerity
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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