Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
