I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
