I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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