Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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