i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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