when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
