I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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