So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
