You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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