Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
