tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
this will be a night to untag.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
