OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he fucked my hip out of place.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
