Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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