my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
