All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
