too bad you live with your parents still
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
