Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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