My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
