It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
