My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize