my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
