that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
