Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
