my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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