Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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