I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize