dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i think im in europe. pls send help
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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