my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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