why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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