When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize