Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
