there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
