Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
