JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
