i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
