as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
