i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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