I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
