One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
