I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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