what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
