Pants 0. Shit 1.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
